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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29930262">Ours</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAngelGirl13/pseuds/DarkAngelGirl13'>DarkAngelGirl13</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Established Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Future Fic, Happy Ending, Heartache, Heartbreaking, Heavy Angst, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Husbands, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love, M/M, Married Couple, Married Life, Paramedic TK Strand, Past Drug Use, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sorry Not Sorry, TK Strand Needs A Hug, Tarlos - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:13:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,793</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29930262</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAngelGirl13/pseuds/DarkAngelGirl13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>TK's had a rough shift and he's trying to deal with how things went badly. He's so close to slipping even though it's been three years. Every day is still a struggle. Carlos reminds him when he gets to him that it isn't just his, but theirs.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Carlos Reyes &amp; TK Strand, Carlos Reyes/TK Strand</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>144</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Ours</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I Own Nothing</p><p>AN: I know tonight is the winter finale and I can't wait. Wrote this last week after seeing an episode of the original series 9-1-1 where Bobby relapses because of that animal woman dosing the fire house in season 2. This however, does not end like that at all. His words is what I went on writing this about the crushing weight of fighting the addiction every day. </p><p>AN2: I think I got the years right with TK being medic/fire fighter for nine years if this is three years after he got to Austin.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The pain was almost unbearable and he just wanted it to stop. It wasn't a physical ache of a body part that was hurting, it was his heart. He always tried not to bring everything to the table on calls, but it was hard. He'd known when he got into the work that he'd have to deal with people dying. He had lost people before, held some while they died in his arms. One had said he wished he'd had a son like him. Those had been spread out over the years, but today was the worst shift in his nine years of doing the job.</p><p>TK kept running everything through his mind. Seven calls out and not a single one of them had lived. It was like the universe was against him today of all days. He just wanted to have the shift over with. He needed to get as far away from the 126 as possible because he couldn't take another call that led to someone dying. The last one had been a pregnant woman which had been the worst. He didn't know if the baby was even going to live, but the mom hadn't been lucky at all. </p><p>The woman begging him to save her baby that was all that mattered was running in a loop. He wanted her out of his head. The look in her eyes seconds before she'd coded in the ambulance was haunting him more. He hadn't stopped doing CPR until they'd gotten to the hospital, but he'd known it wasn't in time. It had taken them fifteen minutes to get her out of the car because of where she'd ended up. He'd done everything possible and it still wasn't enough. </p><p>"Hey, we only got ten minutes left on shift. Why don't you go on and head home. I promise you that nothing that happened today was your fault, TK." Tommy said. "You are one of the best medics that I have ever known. We just had a bad shift and I'm sorry." </p><p>She'd seen him struggling after every call to be his usual happy self. She rarely ever seen him down unless there was days like today. She hadn't seen one like this since the first time she was a medic. She knew it wasn't fair when one of the patients had died and the wife had blamed TK. She'd known the woman was upset, but it hadn't been TK's fault he'd bleed out. Nancy and she had been right there with him helping, but the woman had singled him out. She'd actually tried striking him, but Judd had taken hold of her. TK hadn't even moved though she'd seen the look in his eyes. He had planned on letting the woman do it not caring. </p><p>"Did the baby die?" TK asked staring at the floor. He couldn't look up even if Tommy said nothing was his fault. It felt like it was and nothing could change the way he felt. </p><p>"I don't know, I try never to find out if someone makes it or not after we turn them over." Tommy replied. "Go home TK. I'm sure Carlos will be happy to see you." She gave him a slight smile and a shoulder squeeze before getting up.</p><p>"He's working until ten tonight." TK said with a sigh getting up from the back of the ambulance. </p><p>He shut the doors before going to get his stuff. He wanted as far away as possible. He wanted to drown the pain that felt like it was going to crush him. He hadn't felt this kind of crushing weight in three years. Three years today, was the day he'd almost died in New York. He remembered the date and was sure he always would. He hadn't wanted to die that day, but he'd wanted to make the pain go away. Every thing in his life was pretty much perfect now, except today. Today and last night when the shift started one call after another going horrible. It honestly hurt to breathe knowing he hadn't been able to save one of them. </p><p>~TKC CTK~</p><p>Carlos was finishing the paperwork when his phone let him know he had a message. He'd had it in his drawer so he wouldn't keep looking at it. He'd been texting TK known stop most of the day, but TK hadn't always answered. He'd also tried having lunch with him, but he'd gotten a call and then the ambo had been dispatched on a call too. He'd only had one call that had been the joined with the 126. The woman who'd been pregnant. He'd been the first on scene finding the vehicle, but it had gone over the embankment being wrapped around a tree. </p><p>He had done his best to keep her calm until the rescuers had gotten there. He had hoped that she would live, but found out from another officer she hadn't. There was no word on the baby though because of it being so little. The last he'd seen of her had been when he'd shut the doors on the ambulance. TK had been doing CPR on her with Tommy tubing her. He'd heard TK's plead for her to live, she had to fight for the baby's sake. He'd tried calling TK a few times after that, but he hadn't gotten a response. He'd heard all about the horrible shift that he'd had too. Every one dying that they'd rescued. He had heard about the woman Judd had to restrain too when she'd tried to attack TK for not saving her husband. </p><p>Carlos looked at his phone seeing seven unread messages on his phone. Everyone at the 126 had messaged him in the last three hours. The seventh message had been from TK him self. It had been simple. Most wouldn't have even thought about it being more than what it was. 'I love you, babe. I'm sorry.' It was the last two words that had Carlos worried. TK and he hadn't had any disagreements lately. Hell, it had been six months probably since they had to talk about anything that was even remotely going to lead to a disagreement or couple's issue. </p><p>He quickly changed before he left work heading home. He needed to see TK to know he was okay, because the message had him more than worried. He knew how TK dealt with things. He'd be down for days trying not let it get to him. Until it ended when he just let the pain out in his arms. He'd hold him or he'd let TK hold him which ever he needed in that moment. The message though scared him in ways that nothing in three years ever had outside of when TK had been shot and kidnapped.</p><p>~TKC CTK~</p><p>TK kept staring at what was on the kitchen counter. He had two things lying there looking back at him. They were both mocking him, but he hadn't been able to choose either one. Three hours and he kept coming back to the same problem. He didn't know what to do, but if he chose one then he'd lose. If he chose the other then he'd feel like he was being crushed by his own heart for being able to feel everything. He cared too much, but he'd never been able to turn off that part of him. It was one thing that he'd never wanted to turn off more than ever right now though. </p><p>It hadn't been just Tommy that said it wasn't his fault. The entire house said nothing that happened was on him. He wanted to believe it, but it wouldn't sink into his head. He felt like a failure because he couldn't get a single save in. He'd wanted just one save, it would have meant everything. Call after call it was the same though, no survivors. The words kept ringing in his ears from one of the nurses at the hospital. She'd called him the reaper of death since he kept bringing dead patients in. Nancy had heard her and told her she needed to back off because he wasn't the only one on the calls; it wasn't like they were killing them. Tommy had been with the rig so she hadn't heard what got said. Nancy had his back though, but it still had been said. TK walked away from the counter for the tenth time since he'd gotten home. He walked away from the two things that he needed to pick. </p><p>What he'd done was stupid and he knew somewhere inside of his mind he knew it. The only problem was the rest of him couldn't see it. Couldn't see past the ache inside that wanted to eat him alive. It hurt more than any bone break he'd had, which he'd had a few. He'd been here three years ago debating to sink or swim. He'd been drowning then too, but he'd sank then. Every bad thing he'd seen in the last twenty four hours he was trying to way with one good one. Each person that died he tried to find a reason behind it. He just couldn't see one for the mom and baby. </p><p>TK turned back around going to the counter picking up the bottle. He opened the thing up dumping the pills in his hand. He'd never gotten the pricription filled when he'd been injured six months back. The doctor had written it and he'd tossed it in a drawer even though he'd never planned on getting it filled. He should have just tore it up then, but he hadn't. Now he had the bottle and six pills had come out at once. There were thirty in the bottle and he knew that even six was too many. He'd taken seven, three years ago, he'd wanted the pain to stop and hadn't counted. He'd taken one then another when the pain hadn't stopped. Only problem was then his heart had stopped. He hadn't planned on dying he just wanted the pain to go away; like now.</p><p>He was staring down at the pills the memories of the last three years in his mind. Every good one that he had, even the bad ones. Every thing came back to the best thing he had in his life; Carlos. He shut his eyes tight closing his hand and backing up. He couldn't let the man he loved down, the one person that had been there for him through all of the ups and downs. He let the pain out he'd been feeling for the last twenty-four hours sliding down to the floor. </p><p>~TKC CTK~</p><p>Carlos opened the door calling out TK's name, but he didn't get an answer. He got as far as the kitchen stopping. The bottle on the counter where pills were dumped out. He saw TK's three year sobriety chip lying there too. He'd gone with TK before their shifts the day before when he'd gotten it. He was worried even more now, but he kept going since he didn't see TK. He yelled out his husband's name again before he found TK. He was lying on the floor with the bedding on top of him. </p><p>For a moment he stopped, but then he took off to the bed thinking the worst. He'd seen the pills and he knew how the last twenty-four hours had gone. He knew how hard TK struggled at times not to give in to the addiction. He moved the covers away checking for a pulse finding TK's breathing to be perfect. His chest was rising and falling and when he listened for a moment he could hear little snoring sounds. His husband was alive, he hadn't over dosed as far as he could tell, but he had to make sure.</p><p>"TK, wake up. Come on, open your eyes for me, Tiger." Carlos said gently shaking TK until he mumbled something. "Tyler Kennedy Strand-Reyes open your damn eyes." He ordered in a louder voice using TK's full name which had TK looking up at him.</p><p>"Carlos." TK said looking up at the man he loved. "I'm sorry, I thought I was passed it." He apologized before slowly opening his hand. "I just couldn't do it when I shut my eyes and saw you." He replied still holding all six pills. "I couldn't deal if I let you down. I just want the pain to stop." He stated.</p><p>Sighing Carlos wrapped his arms around TK holding him close. He was relieved, but still worried at the same time. "You have never let me down. I love you so much. I'm so proud of you right now, but you have to know. If you had taken them I'd never think less of you. I'd be right there with you helping you." He said hoping that TK knew he would never turn his back on him. "You mean everything to me. I promise you I'm always going to catch you. It isn't just your struggle, it's ours." He held on as tight as he dared. </p><p>"They all died, everyone of them died on me. I just couldn't take the pain and I filled the prescription from months ago. I just couldn't do it by the time I had them in my hands. I just couldn't pull myself off the floor either. I needed you and the closest thing was your pillow." TK explained. He'd tried getting up, but he hadn't had the strength so he'd crawled to the bedroom. It was why the covers had been on him. "I fell asleep holding onto your pillow." The tears flooding from his eyes holding on tight to Carlos.</p><p>"I'm sorry that they died. I wish I could take the pain away, but I'm so glad that you didn't." Carlos said before he took the pills from TK's hand. "I'm going to go deal with these until morning. Then we're going to lay on the bed. Whatever you need, I have your back." He said placing a kiss on TK's cheek and head. "I love you." He needed that to get into TK's head but he wasn't sure if he was really okay at the moment. He might not have taken the pills, but he was still hurting. "On the way here I called a friend at the hospital. Not everyone died, the baby, she lived. You saved her." </p><p>TK held onto Carlos tighter glad that he hadn't given into the darkness that had wanted him. The fact that the baby had lived gave him relief to know that he wasn't a failure. He'd felt like one for the last twenty-four hours. Carlos kept talking to him in a low voice as he buried his face into his chest. He'd always found comfort in his husband, even before they'd been married. They had found strength in each other in the darkest moments. </p><p>Carlos didn't want to let go after some time had passed, but he needed to do something with the pills until morning. He wasn't going to flush or toss them. He placed a kiss to TK's cheek telling him he'd be back. He took care of the pills before he went and got them both some water. He got some Tylenol as well figuring that it would help with the headache he was sure TK was going to have. Once he was in the room again he made the bed up before helping TK into it. </p><p>"Thank you, I wouldn't have stopped myself it wasn't for you, babe." TK said </p><p>"I promised you even before we got married that I'm always here for you. Even before we were a we I had your back." Carlos replied resting his head on TK's chest listening to his heart beating. "The last twenty-four hours wasn't your fault. It was one shity call after another." He placed a kiss above where TK's heart was beating before resting his head back. </p><p>"You keep picking up the pieces." TK said in a low voice letting his eyes close. He was finally able to shut them without seeing all the dead people. He didn't see the blood or hear the cries now. He hadn't used the pills to silence them though, Carlos had done that for him. He was always there to catch him, even if he hadn't been there physically at first. The memories alone had kept him from swallowing the pills.</p><p>"It's our fight, not yours." Carlos replied as he drifted off to sleep. He wasn't worried or scared now. He knew that TK was alright, but he also knew the struggle would never really end. It might fade most days, but it could flare up at any time.</p><p> </p><p>~THE END~</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for the reviews and kudos in advance. I hope that you enjoyed this. </p><p>It took me a few days to write this because I had to keep stopping. I love happy TK &amp; Carlos, but I couldn't get this out of my head til it was written. Tonight he celebrates a year sobriety which is going to be good.</p><p>One more story I got coming for tonight.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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